I spent my 20’s confused about life. Taking care of everyone else’s wants and needs and never quite figured out what I wanted with my life. I wanted to do something amazing and take over the world but I was lacking the confidence to actually execute it.
I wanted to write to all of those 20 something year old young ladies. You are about to take on the world as a woman but it so important to put yourself first and allow yourself to find the true you before you try to take on anything else. When you start to find the true you it is a beautiful thing.
You start your 20’s as a little caterpillar and something beautiful happens when you approach 30- you turn into a gorgeous butterfly…
At 20 you don’t know what you want out of life yet. You might have a good idea but you are still figuring it out, testing the waters and making mistakes (A LOT of mistakes). It’s amazing how when you fantasize about what you want your life to be and become at 20 that by 30 it will most likely change. That is the amazing thing about becoming a woman and blossoming into the amazing beautiful and most confident YOU.
You can’t conquer the world with half of your heart and mind- you will need all of it. In order to find all of it you need to love yourself with all of your heart, FIRST.
So here is what I have learned now at the ripe old age of 31. I married, had two kids and with all of that going on found my true self. If I would have given myself the time to find me first then my life would be quite different. I made the mistake of trying to find THINGS and PEOPLE to fill my heart instead of giving myself the time to fill my own heart and because of that I never experienced a “ME” time. I know that someday though my kids will be grown and living their own lives and then I will take the world on.
FIRST… Don’t listen to any negative bull shit. You are AMAZING, you are BEAUTIFUL, you are a wonderful smart human being. Tell yourself that, NOW… DO IT. Every day, several times a day. When you wake up in the morning and look at yourself all in a hot mess state, tell yourself how wonderful, amazing and beautiful you are. Sometimes you might feel like your lying to yourself but eventually you will believe it and that is when your life will truly change, FOREVER.
SECOND- TRIM THE FAT. Those people in your life that make you feel less than, the ones who talk behind your back that start issues and drama in your life. The boys that you can’t say no to because they have this hold on you. CUT THEM OUT. Guess what, you don’t need them. This could be really hard for you to do but I PROMISE it is worth it. Just do it!
THIRD- Find those amazing best friends that are going to be there until the end, you need them. You will go through a lot of shit in your 20’s and you need REAL friends to be there for each other through all of it. A friendship is 50/50 and you need at least 2-3 other girls that are going to give you what you give them in a relationship. These girls will be there through jobs, breakups, family crap, marriage, deaths, babies and divorce. Some time during your 20’s you might move away from each other but keep calling, texting and visiting. These will prove to be the most important relationships that you make in your 20’s.
FOURTH- Don’t let a guy play with your mind. Don’t rush into anything, you are still so young. MOST IMPORTANTLY- You will never ever be loved 100% by someone ELSE until you love yourself 100%. Until you love who you are with all of your heart there will be room for someone else to break your heart. When you truly love yourself that other person can see it and they will love you whole heartidly as well because you will only allow that.
When you go into a relationship without loving yourself 100% there is room for that person to break you down. The douche bag dudes smell out the low self esteem ladies and they come in knowing that they can hurt you, use you and break you. That is exactly what they will do. When you are in love with yourself you attract better ones, but if for some reason a bad one comes along you are better at sniffing them out and sending them on their way.
FITH- Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. If you want it bad enough go and do it dammit. When I was trying to figure out what I wanted for a career in my early 20’s everyone in my family had an opinion and I made the mistake of listening to them. There were things I wanted to do and I would have been good at them but I didn’t listen to myself or my heart and they BROKE me down and made me think that I wasn’t good enough or strong enough. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM. If you want something bad enough then DO IT!! Otherwise, you will live in regret the rest of your life wishing you did. Even if you do it and hate it, at least you gave it a shot. ALWAYS TRY!!!
SIXTH- Don’t rush into marriage and kids. 30 is a great age to settle down and start a family, if thats what you want. DON’T FEEL LIKE MARRIAGE AND KIDS ARE AN OBLIGATION. Unless you yearn in your heart for a baby so bad that you feel like you need them to be complete then don’t feel like you need to have them. Children are A LOT of work and you need to want it in order to be a good parent. Sure, some people don’t know they want children until after they have them but don’t rush family life because once you start one your in it for the rest of your life. So… Have fun and be free!! Go do all of those awesome amazing things that you will never get to do once you have kids. They CHANGE everything. PLEASE PLEASE, take my word for it… TAKE YOUR TIME!!!
That brings me to…
SEVENTH- Have some crazy fun, I mean be safe of course (that’s the Mom in Me). Obviously, go with your besties, look out for each other, never ever leave one behind- EVER!!! Don’t be stupid or dumb but have some awesome amazing fun. Once you hit 30 the hangovers are for real and you can not drink the way you did in your 20’s. So, have a drink go to Vegas and have some fun!! Please, go have some fun for me because I am stuck at home with my kids!!!
DON’T GIVE UP, EVER. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T GIVE UP. Life is hard and life problems just keep getting harder and more complicated. Sometimes, you might need to take a minute to refill yourself but always get back up and keep going. Don’t be a quitter and you need to get that in your mind now because once you start making excuses and quitting you will keep doing it.
FIGHT FOR YOURSELF- At the end of every day of your life all you really have is you. You have to live with your life, your decisions and your mistakes. So fight for it! Own it and love who you are every night when you go to bed and every morning when you wake up.
I’m still learning and I know there are a lot of girls out there that are just like me. Thrown into your adult life without the tools needed to build it. I grew up in a broken home to parents who were kids themselves. I had an amazing Grandma that helped to make me the woman I am today but not everyone is as lucky as I am to have that. Let me help you to maybe not make as many mistakes as I did and maybe just give you a few words of wisdom to help guide you along the way. Remember you are amazing, you are smart and you are beautiful.
NOW GO TAKE ON THE WORLD BITCHES…